This post is not about porn. Ok maybe a little bit. I went on Amazon to check out how my book above was doing and was informed that 50 Shades of Grey is in the top 3 of their bestselling books. I know that the book is about whips and chains and things and that women are fighting each other to read it. I even saw a TV show that said rope and non sticky tape were up like 100% this month which means there has been some acting out of scenes of the book in many bedrooms. Let me be clear. not mine. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against a spanking; as long as I am the one doing it to a naughty child. I do not like to be bound in any way. I have a fear of this since a large girl sat on my chest and almost killed me in Junior High. Her name was Ella and she had a brother who had epilepsy and she thought my panic attack should be treated in a similar fashion, which meant sitting her fat ass on my chest. I never ever want to feel that helplessness again. But I am a liberal person. I don’t care what others do in the bedroom; and if bondage or whipping turns a woman on, so be it. I just think some men might take it too far. Men tend to take things too far anyway and women are always in danger of that so I caution women to think twice about letting them be in charge of pain.
My present problem has to do with shades as well. Since I let my hair go “natural” I have almost 50 different shades of hair color, all ugly. The funny part that is not so funny is that the roots are white, but the rest keeps color; just not the one I want. Can someone write to me and instruct me what scientific formula makes hair pigment go white at the temple and then perversely end into 50 shades of grey. I saw the color wheel but never have seen so many ugly colors in my life. There is the dirty blonde, which sounds like porn but in my case is just dirty. There is the yellowish bleached out blonde, the brassy orange, the mousey brown and the yucky grey. There are more shades but I will concentrate on the grey. I don’t think the book “50 shades of Grey” is a good title. Now MY book has a good title. A bookseller told me “From Agoraphobia to Zen” was a genius idea and did I really make it up myself. Yes, I did. I would never put a color like grey in any of my books. It just doesn’t sound sexy. Grey is blah. Now 50 shades of Black, maybe or even golden brown sounds good, but grey; not so much. I know, I know Grey is the guy who teaches the wench all the tricks in the S&M handbook. I guess there must be a handbook just like there is one for hair color. I just can’t afford to buy it. I tried to color my own hair with “Nice and Easy” It wasn’t nice and it wasn’t easy. My hair turned green. Maybe Mr. Green has some tricks for the wench. But I guess Green is too nice a color for a book about kinky sex
Porn is a difficult subject for me. My father collected porn and I almost had a concussion when a box of it fell on my head when I was ten. I think that is a more interesting story than women who want to be manhandled. I have had a love/hate relationship with porn ever since. Now that I’m older, I don’t crave porn , sex or even food the way I used to. What I crave is a return to the golden blonde crowning glory of my youth instead of skulking around with 50 shades of bad hair color.Lest you think I am sexless, if there is a guy out there who is an expert colorist and willing to do my hair for free, I might agree to be tied up.