Posted by: marilynmendoza | November 6, 2012

6 DEGREES OF MILEY CYRUS; MOTHER OF “STALKER” SPEAKS -LAST POST


Six degrees of separation is the idea that everyone is on average approximately six steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person in the world. I am now six steps away to the celebrity Miley Cryus.

Jason Luis Rivera holding baby brother in happier times

I never saw the movie based on that premise or thought much of that concept until my son Jason Luis Rivera was convicted of trespassing in Ms. Cryus property. I  vaguely heard about Hannah Montana but hadn’t followed Ms. Cyrus career. Now, it feels like we are connected in some sad sick way. I wrote a memoir about my anxiety disorder but didn’t mention my son’s more severe mental illness. I wrote about my mother dying in the mental ward of Staten Island Hospital but never mentioned my son Jason walking on broken glass and picking up rocks when his wife and baby daughter temporarily left him in Hawaii fifteen years ago.  It wasn’t my business I thought.

I write about the stigma of mental illness and how it affects society but never felt that stigma as personally as when my son was in the news “wielding a scissor.” On the record,

the prosecutor told me my son never wielded anything and was indeed delusional but he couldn’t force my son to take a plea deal. My son is 40 years old. The pundits online laughed at the thought of my son possibly endeavoring to give Miley a new hairdo. I cried.

My next book is about celebrating my anxiety and how mentally ill people have special gifts. My son is a published poet, a beloved father even when he was ill and never showed any hint of violence toward anyone. But his delusion that he is connected to Ms. Cyrus is real to him. He believes her music is speaking to him.  I can say 99 % that he never intended to hurt Miley but there is that 1 %  that is unpredictable and that is the brain disorder itself. I can say I am truly sorry that Ms. Cyrus is going through this and I am sorry my son did not take the probation deal offered to him. He said he would never forgive himself if he didn’t tell “the truth” about his relationship with Ms. Cyrus.

I do not hang my head in shame that I gave birth to a son who has a mental illness. If he had cancer or diabetes I would be encouraged to talk about my feelings but with a mental illness comes silence and shame. I will not bow to that shame. To do so would be to bow to all persons who suffer the stigma of mental illness and all those who work to end that stigma.

Mental illness is rampant in our modern world and a symptom of the breakdown of the “it takes a village” concept. Increasingly, the disorder has ostracized and isolated the very people who need the support the most. In our politically correct culture admitting to having a mental illness is verboten and one of the last frontiers of prejudice in our society.

We bandy about the word “Crazy” like well- crazy. “That’s crazy”, he or she is crazy cool, crazy, crazy and more crazy.

In old English Crazy comes from the word ‘Cracked” also not a nice word but more accurate in that a crack can  signify a damage or an identifying mark that makes something or someone unique.In the past people who saw things others did not and perhaps had bi- polar disorder or schizophrenia were thought of as special and brought into the society ; not thrown out like in today’s world. They were the seers, the medicine men, the prophets. They were given a place in their community.  Perhaps placing them inside the community in a special way prevented the rare events today where mentally ill people become violent.

Words matter. How we use them matter. If we misuse crazy for evil, insane or nonconformity we are abandoning and stigmatizing the mentally ill. I am not attempting to trivialize the severity of the suffering that arrives with a mental illness, but  how we accept our own and other’s stories can change the world. Talking about mental illness is vital to end the fear that makes all hate and prejudice happen.

Society wants the mentally ill to remain invisible.  I’ve had the experience of being invisible when I was deep into my illness. I spoke to a doctor and a glazed look came over his eyes, and bibbity- bobbity boo. I was no longer there, I didn’t belong.  It’s a jarring sensation and I think many of my more extreme  plans to do the impossible came out of my yearning to be more than my disease, to be more than visible, to be noticed.

My son did  wrong and he is paying for it. He was convicted of 2 misdemeanors and will be in jail for 18 months with no time off for “good’ behavior. He told his lawyer he didn’t  have a mental illness even though it could have been easily found out. He was on disability and has a history of going to psychiatrists looking for that magic medicine cure. He told the court he suffers only from a hormonal imbalance. Perhaps he was also ashamed of being tagged as “crazy” which of course the media was happy to do for him.

So many lies were told about my son. On one site they encouraged prisoners to rape him, and on another they showed a photo of him with a beard while in the TMZ video he is clean-shaven. There was even a whole show Nancy Grace dedicated to my son and Ms. Cyrus. One side was a head shot of Miley, the other side Jason and in the middle a huge pair of scissors. I felt like I was in an alternate universe. Six degrees of Miley Cyrus indeed. Nancy Grace kept saying how my son’s poetry was all love and how could he love a teenager when he was a 40-year-old man. She asked why was he writing poetry instead of working. Jason desperately wanted to work and was in Tennessee working the last time I talked to him. Nancy Grace spouted the common misconceptions that mentally ill people are lazy and showed indifference of the many ways mental illness can affect the sufferer. She was a bully and wouldn’t listen to the facts, and kept interrupting the guests who were about to say he published a book that had no violence or hatred in it.

I was told by a well-known psychiatrist that my son probably suffers from erotomania among other mental illnesses.  Erotomania is a psychiatric term of a rare disorder in which an individual has a delusional belief that a person of higher social status falls in love and makes amorous advances towards him/her.

It is rare when an Erotomaniac physically harms their victim, but these are the cases that make it to the Evening News. In fact most mentally ill people are not violent but the instances where they attack others are so scary that the label is put on all the mentally ill.

I can tell you that my son is non violent, (he does not have a long criminal history in Texas) He used marijuana to self medicate. He  is a spiritual person, once was a child model but you can only see the photos on the internet where he indeed is shown as  “a crazed lunatic.” I can tell you, my son was a teacher’s pet who was given a set of encyclopedias in 6th grade to the chagrin of the other teachers and students, a man who listens when you speak, who loves his children but you won’t believe me.

It’s not your fault. You think a picture is worth a thousand words so I will end with a photo of who my son is, was and hopefully will be again and urge you to take another look at your view of the mentally ill. After all according to the National institute of Mental Health, (NIMH) one in four of us has one at any given time. It is time to change our minds about mental illness. It is not a defect in character. It is a disease. It is not shameful and my hope now is that my son will get help and be able to return to his family. The night my son trespassed on Ms. Cyrus property and lit candles Miley was at the VMA award show. If she had been home with her bodyguards my son might have been killed. Today Ms. Cyrus got a restraining order against Jason. I can only pray that in 17 months he will be well enough to honor that order. I am connected to Miley Cyrus in compassion and hope. I am connected to my son and all those who suffer from the stigma of mental illness with dedication and determination to eradicate that stigma. Let’s start talking.


Responses

  1. Hi Maya, This is the first I’ve heard of this. I hope you’ll talk with Nancy Grace. She could be such a strong advocate for mental illness if she understood things from a mother’s perspective.

    People who do what your son did need help not judgment.

    Very well written. I feel for you.

    • Thank you Grace,
      I was a fan of Nancy Grace and am also a crime victim so it was really surreal to see my son on the show Aloha for your good wishes

  2. I was very moved by your story and you certainly have no cause to be ashamed of your son and his mental illness.

    My work-in-progress is a book about my great-uncle, who spent 40 years in a Tasmanian mental asylum – apart from some brief and disastrous periods of release (and a few escapes!) He was a shel-lshocked WWI veteran but I suspect he may also have been suffering from a bi-polar disorder. I too have battled with anxiety for most of my life, as did my darling mother. Writing has truly been my salvation even though success has come late in life. I wish you well with your book! It is very courageous of you.

    • Thank you Pauline.
      I couldn’t keep silent since I am a mental health advocate. Good luck with your book too Aloha

  3. Hi, we have mental illness in the family, too. Depression, but also schizophrenia. Most health insurance policies cover mental health care but sometimes for those unable to get employment, costs of medicines can exceed social security payments and the problem of people with mental illness’ ability to care for themselves is really not handled well, nor are run ins with the law etc.

    • Yes Sheri, it is terrible how people with mental illnesses are treated in all aspects of care. Depression runs in my family too and I can only keep speaking out to not let shame be a factor in seeking help. Thank you

  4. This is a very moving story, and it’s somehow stunning that in this era, in which we’ve learned so much more about mental illness, the very nature of our media-saturated society and desire for ratings, which often appeals to the lowest mental capacities of the audience, that the story of a mentally ill man can be reduced to a gruesome image of his head between a giant scissors. As I’ve learned in my research, parents of mentally ill children (even they’ve become adults) are marginalized in their quest for understanding. Unlike casts for broken bones and surgery for a blown appendix, the cures for mental illness are still illusive and the victim (and his/her parents) of its hideous intrusion and disruption of the mind are so often the recipients of blame and opprobrium. Keep speaking out.

    • Thank you Linda,
      How could I keep quiet when I wrote a memoir about my own mental illness. However I had never imagined the impact of the stigma until it hit my son. I keep writing and keep fighting to end this archaic idea of mental illness. I keep hoping that my son will receive help for his illness but in LA county jail I can only hope Grateful for your imput Aloha

      • It’s always more painful when it reaches our children. Carry on!

      • Yes, it its Aloha

  5. Marilyn, my heart goes out to you! I am writing my own memoir about mental illness in blog form and hope to publish it. My own brother and father took their lives and and one point I was in enough pain to do it myself. I am now a psychotherapist, treating those with mental disorders. I also have a professional website in which I write a blog, and my last post was on stigma. Check it out at http://www.lindahoenigsberg.com. God bless you, Marilyn. Prayers for your son, Jason.

    • I appreciate your prayers. They are needed today as again my son is in the news in a bad way. I am writing a post about it. I has been quite a day. I am still grateful that I am healed enough to take the stress Warm Aloha

  6. [...] ‘Normal’ is elusive for countless moms who write mommy blogs and memoirs. These brave women share personal stories of their unpredictable lives coping with their child’s or their own mental illness. There are those like Marilyn Mendoza that must endure both as she detailed in her haunting final post Six Degrees of Miley Cyrus; Mother of Stalker Speaks. [...]

    • Thank you for your comments. Warm Aloha


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