Coming back from a trip always brings problems. I used to live in two places at the same time-Kauai where I went to school and Oahu where I lived. Every time I would return to either place, problems awaited. It seems as if a place you actually live in is alive and doesn’t want you to leave, sort of like a dog. So when you return there is always a problem to solve. It happened every time and made me dread coming home to either place. I finally picked one place– Oahu and gave up living two lives.
Well, now I am back from a long book tour and though I was surprised there were no major problems awaiting me, I found I was the problem. I crossed too many time zones, walked a few too many miles and tested my agoraphobia to the limit. I also am fighting flu-like symptoms. So, I will do what works. I will lie down with my agoramonster and get a few fleas. I will listen to my mind which says stop and meditate, and my body which says stop eating junk out of frustration and clean out body and mind with positive thinking.
I will take baths with epsom Salts and read many books. I will not worry that I will end up in a closet because a few fleas do not kill the dog. There is a time for reflection and rest and I will not fear the panic returning. I am stronger than the monster. I need clear reflection on all I have been through– the positive and the negative and treat them both the same because they are the same in a way. If you don’t go overboard when the good stuff happens or get too depressed about the bad it brings your body back in balance. sort of yin yang thing.
I once had my chakras balanced. I had no idea what that meant. The very sincere and perhaps gifted woman told me my aura was very far away from my body and there was huge heat radiating from my head. She said I had a warm head because my heart was open. I have no idea what the aura meant. I think I had a warm head because I worried too much about things that might happen, should happen, could happen and happened and I didn’t live in the moment. Now, I listen. Most of all I listen to my soul which seems to say I need more spirituality in my life. I have my man, my dog, my retreat, Hawaii nei and the nature at my doorstep but my soul is saying there is more to learn, more to listen to and something greater than I am . So, I go on fighting the good fight against mental illness but not alone. I feel a crying out in my core telling me good things are coming my way and to listen carefully. Peace and aloha