Posted by: marilynmendoza | May 8, 2012

I’M NOT PERFECT, AND WHY YOU SHOULDN’T BE EITHER


I think aspiring for perfection is a waste of time. Yet, so many people think if they try harder, do more, worry more, or whatever more, they will reach the pinnacle of perfection and their life will finally take off. I never aspired for perfection in looks. I knew that was far beyond my reach, but I tried to make up for my lack of standard beauty by working harder, being nicer, worrying more and in general adding to my anxiety disorder. So, I will just take a few moments to help others not follow in my worn out footsteps. I follow with some ways you should aspire to be imperfect

Your work,

 Oh, the boss, the work, the co-workers out to get you, the small paycheck etc. You fill in the blanks. I know what you are thinking. I need the paycheck, I can’t afford to quit. I can’t lose this anxiety about all the work in my inbox. Just know your work is never going to be done.There will always be something left to do. I learned how to deal with this problem from  my favorite book, “The four Agreements” which said, “Do your best”  but goes on to say that you shouldn’t do more than your best. After you do your best, don’t worry about the rest.  Life shouldn’t be about anxiety. If your boss is really abusive like mine was, I quit even though I needed the money. The boss’s reaction was.”I wish I could quit”  I then realized where her venom came from and was able to leave without anxiety. It wasn’t about me, it was about her unhappiness at work. Yet, this was a  toxic workplace and not good for my mental and physical health so I left. I had to learn to live on less, find part-time work and am happily imperfect without the stress that job gave me

Your stuff

 I once told my ex husband’s wife that I got robbed. Well, someone stole a dress off of my clothesline. She blurted out. “Why would someone rob you, you have nothing“? After I picked my pride off the ground, I realized I really had no material possessions anyone would want, except that hot dress. That meant I didn’t have to keep up with the Jones’s or in my case ” Hanohano’s (I made up that Hawaiian name so “no bodda me bruddah” Hawaiian Pigeon language I don’t have to clean it, fix it or worry about it. I told a friend yesterday I was buying and Ipod, and she said”Wow, I’m impressed; you entered the 21st century” until I told her it was my first Ipod Shuffle that cost me 45 bucks. “You never had one? No, but now I’m excited to be able to walk with music again. Walkman I miss thee.  Don’t worry about stuff. Stuff comes and stuff goes, like money. You can’t have it all, but get a few things that are important to you, be it a comfortable bed an exquisite painting or print for your bare walls or an Ipod  and be happy.

Your past traumas or mistakes

Yea, your husband ran off with his secretary, or pole dancer, (pick a generation) and left you with 4 kids to raise on macaroni and cheese. Oh, that was me. You cried enough tears to fill a couple of polluted rivers and wished he would fall into one of them with the afore-mentioned secretary, pole dancer or waitress . Ok, the last one was my particular slag ah I mean trauma. Leave the past in the past.  I read that every trauma is a teaching lesson. Did you learn anything?  I admit it took me a lot of time to realize I was picking wrong men, and grieving when they did me wrong. But I finally changed my behavior when I wrote my memoir and saw that I was seeking the love and time my father never gave me. Now I have a great man who appreciates and respects me. It’s never too late.  Keep your heart open and forget your mistakes. Just try not to repeat them as many times as I did.

Your body, appearance and what other’s are saying about you

This was my Achilles heel and I starved, binged, and worried what people were saying about my looks.. When my acne was out of control, some people did say mean things, but I took those comments too much to heart. Some people are mean, ok a lot of people.    I can’t tell you I stopped watching my weight or buying “proactive products” which is just wrong at my age, but I am ok with how I look most of the time.  I learned if I were clean, kind and listened to others, my appearance is not important. I’m fine though imperfect. I was  tired of staying home because I felt worthless and ugly.  That was my mother’s tapes in my head and soon I will have an Ipod to listen to instead.  he he.

I am concerned that women in particular, worry too much about being perfect. We have these images of so-called perfection and we strive for that  impossible dream our entire lives. What a waste!  Goals are good, but attainable goals are what we should strive for. Worrying about our appearance, our past, our mistakes or our lack of possessions (though I do miss that hot dress) is a waste of time.

  Zen is living in the present and accepting our flaws without worry and that is what I aspire to. Perfection is boring anyway.  My dogs think I’m perfect and I decided to agree with them.  I have to go now. I’m waiting for the mail for my Ipod shuffle. Yea!

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Responses

  1. i have never had an ipod! 😉


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