Posted by: marilynmendoza | May 14, 2012


I must write it all out, at any cost. Writing is thinking. It is more than living, for it is being conscious of living.” Ann Morrow Lindbergh- American writer and poet

I used to be shy. I didn’t speak for most of my preteen years. My mother enjoyed speaking for me.  I didn’t listen either. I existed in the midst of chaos and yelling so thinking and reading soothed me. Many of my thoughts were kept in diaries I hid under my bed.  I found that keeping  a diary is good practice for writing a book at some future day but not as productive  in keeping bullies from pointing out your flaws and threatening to beat you up. My last diary was red and had a key.Unfortunately my mother had a second key and read said diary without my knowledge She kept quiet about that  until she found a salacious encounter she thought I had with a boy. I was fourteen and he asked me to do something that I thought was a reasonable request. My mother didn’t agree.  He asked me to do his homework. He said I knew how to write “good.”  My mother yelled. ” What else did he ask you to do”?  I found out then that even my thoughts weren’t sacred in my house and decided to quit blabbing and  leave home as soon as possible. But I always went back to my diary. It saved my sanity in times when I could have used a good therapist. In a way I was my own therapist. I began to see my thoughts as a way out of my personal hell. Keeping a diary is the start of a relationship with yourself and one that can be everlasting unlike childhood.

Do you keep a diary? How does it serve you? I promise not to spill the beans.



  1. Great piece.

  2. Yes, I most definitely kept a journal as a child and still do to this day. And like you as well, my mother ended up reading it. It was such a breach of privacy, and I did not write in it for a while after that. Thinking like you said, that your thoughts weren’t sacred. But it does serve us well, putting all our thoughts down and just writing out how we feel. It serves such a great purpose.

    • Thank you for understanding how sacred our words are and how we should be able to decide who reads them Aloha

    • When my mother read my diary I felt violated. I believe that act affected my ability to say no when to abuse in my future Yet, in the end my diary and my mother’s secret one led to my healing. Yes, a great purpose Aloha

  3. When I learned that my father had read my diaries, I tore the pages out and burned them one by one.
    I’m so glad we both had writing as a means to figure ourselves out.

    • Thank you Teresa, I think parents have to respect their children’s boundaries and vice versa

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