Posted by: marilynmendoza | May 18, 2012


There was a time I ate everything including mayonnaise. I loved eyeballing the mayo fighting its way out of my huge sandwiches. To my credit I never ate mayonnaise sandwiches like my housing project friends did. They also ate uncooked hotdogs because they were forbidden to use the stove. I was horrified to see this but I understood how being hungry could make you do weird stuff.  Later,  I didn’t even put mayo on the two pastrami sandwiches I took to work covered in aluminum foil. My mother said Jews only put mustard on meat. But she never put mustard on the “pork chops” my father would prepare for us on his 3 days at home. But my mother was always tricky that way.  It was normal.  I prefered my mayo  slathered on pieces of rye bread with a bit of tuna.

I found out I was addicted to food when I had a fight with my son over a plum. The story is in my memoir, “From Agoraphobia to Zen.” I went to a 12 step meeting that never really worked out for me. I tried starving on the Stillman diet where I would eat one hamburger a day with catsup. I lost weight but gained it back when I reached the magic number of 117 pounds and was going through a bottle of catsup a week.  I had no idea I was fighting an addiction as big as the agora monster which kept me inside my bedroom closet most of the time. I proclaimed myself healed when I lost 65 pounds and kept it off for almost 10 years. Yea! I’m cured, Not so fast…….

I wrote about my healing from abuse, trauma and anxiety in my memoir and spilled my guts about how my mother spoon fed me until I was 12 years old. I also  went into my addiction to certain foods like French toast, but time and maintaining a reasonable weight made me almost sure I was healed from the food addiction . I can say I am as healed from my food addiction as I am from agoraphobia, which means “Still addicted.”  I still stay home more than is good for me, and when stressed can eat an obese man under the table.

I found out there exists a club where people can proclaim they hate mayonnaise. I believe them. They hate mayonnaise but do they hate it because they love it or because they fear it? . Rachel Ray is supposed to be an honorary member of this club. She is into EVOO (extra virgin olive oil)  She also has a weight problem. Maybe she hates mayo because she never had the homemade kind that was invented in France.  French people are famous for not being fat. I was in Paris last year and I think the French walk too much. Walking is good but that many steps has to be bad for a person. I don’t care what The “Mayo” clinic would say about  that he, he but I do know I ate more butter than a middle-aged woman should and was never the worse for it in france.

I recently had a set back on my eating plan. My faithful boyfriend became frightened when I took him down for foods he never saw me touch. I am almost vegan yet I ate a steak that could have choked a few horses. I also ate spaghetti and ice cream both of which are trigger foods for me. The reason for the trigger that sends me into a binge is more complicated. What I know for sure (thanks Oprah) is giving myself only one day to binge and limiting the amount of food I consume. This helps keep me food sane.  I also have to love every food I consume, and omit junk food except mayonnaise.

I am working on my food addiction, one binge at a time, but I am not going to join the anti-mayo club. Well, I heard the club has been disbanded at least on the internet. I am wary of people who hate stuff especially stuff that tastes good. I still eat french toast and once in a while I still  crave mayonnaise. Does that make me a bad person?  Please don’t answer that. What delicious food are you addicted to? I’m also addicted to hearing about other people’s favorite food. YUM.



  1. right now I crave chocolate. Not your run of the mill chocolate craving mind you. I’m starting through the change and I feel like im PMSing all of the time. But my chocolate craving is not esily tamed. I can’t stop at a corner store and get a chocolate candy bar and be fine. No, I have to get like a whole bag of chocolate cookies and sit and eat them until they are gone and I am sick. Then I cam satisfied. I also am agoraphobic too. I am getting a little better though. I have had no chocolate today. I would get out of my house and go to a store to get some but Im out of money. ;-(

    • I hear you about whole bags of stuff. My food trigger was never chocolate. I can take it or leave it but I had a potato chip addiction that was just as damaging. I am still addicted to certain foods and am struggling but humor helps. I also know how it is to be too broke to leave tho house. It’s a good excuse for an agoraphobic like me and it also saves money if you can keep out of the online stores lol

  2. I use to have a thing for fig newtons i’d come home from the store and that was the first thing I would, sit dowm with a big glass of milk and eat the whole pack. I am trying to control it.

    • Hi Carla,
      When you said Fig Newtons I had to laugh because those were the only cookies I kept in my house when my kids were small because they were the only ones I didn’t binge on. You guessed it my kids love love Fig Newtons. lol. My fave then was oatmeal but not just any kind of oatmeal. They had to be the crisp ones with no raisins or nuts. and of course chocolate covered graham crackers frozen dipped in milk. I don’t go there anymore sigh

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