I am getting to the end of my time here only because I have another book to write and I have to “write it right” as one of my post declared. When I wrote my first book which is the name of this blog “From Agoraphobia to Zen” I thought my healing was complete, Hello Zen…. But in two years time I realized I would have good days and bad, setbacks and joy. This is called life. I met some wonderful people on this site and I don’t intend to leave completely but my artist is telling me I need to “Say what I need to say” in many forums. I want to tell you about a book that has been a help to me throughout my process of healing. It is called “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron and is useful for tapping into the creative process as well as just living life in a more joyful way.
I completed “The Artist’s Way” in 2009. and tried to use all the tools that the author purposes but the most useful was one I thought I didn’t need; the morning pages.
“In order to retrieve your creativity, you need to find it. I ask you to do this by an apparently pointless process I call the morning pages.”
“Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages– they are not high art. They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind– and they are for your eyes only. Occasionally colorful, more often than not Morning Pages are negative, fragmented, repetitive or bland. Good! Worrying about your job, the laundry, the weird look your friend gave you – all that stuff distracts you from your creativity. It eddies through your subconsciousness and muddies your day. Get it on the page first thing in the morning and move on with your day with a freer spirit.”
I’ve always kept a diary but doing it this time was somehow different. It showed me where my anxiety existed and how my artist could emerge. I have been asked when my next book was coming out but I had no plans to write another book and no idea what to write about. But I knew that my ups and downs were becoming more down than up and wanted to find out why. So I bought another one of Julia Cameron’s book, “The Artist’s Way Morning Pages Journal”
As soon as this book arrived I marveled at its size. It’s big substantial and hard to ignore. Books are like that. They are material unlike an eReader they demand you to smell the pages, hold the book in your arms and thus become part of the book. Ok, I like books but the minute I opened the first page I was immediately struck with an idea for not only a poem but a book title. Now it could be a coincidence but I am not the kind of poet that is seized with daily inspiration for writing. I have to feel a poem or book deeply and my last book was so demanding on my confronting my past and healing, I thought I didn’t have much more left. I was wrong.
So, I am about to embark on another journey, another book, another poem; the poem that will free me of whatever is keeping me from being the best I can be to myself and others. It is in me. It is not my fault or anyone’s fault. I have the power to find out more about why I sometimes sabotage or hate myself. I don’t do this very often anymore but the reality is I might never be completely free of my past and my anxiety and tendency to want to stay home. I might never look into a mirror thinking how gorgeous I am or never feel fear again. But I intend to face the fear and be the woman I know I am; a survivor, a searcher and yes…an artist.