“Mom, I can’t believe you followed me to Japan and taught there for three years; you’re so adventurous, “my daughter Desiree says to me”
“I’m not adventurous I’m like Cyndi Lauper without the fame, money or talent
“Oh, you just wanna have fun?”
“No, I’m just unusual”
I didn’t want to tell her I’m also insane, it’s too complicated, besides, she already knows it. She just can’t understand how someone who has panic attacks can travel all over the world and attempt what others call courageous acts, like dancing in public.
I always feel more like myself when I’m far, far away. It is not unusual to travel to Spain, Millions do it every year. It is unusual to believe, I mean intently believe you will be the female Jose Greco who went to Spain from Brooklyn and became a famous flamenco dancer. Insanity taught me how to live my life between the mundane and the extravagant. One day I’m at the food bank so happy that people in my town hate whole wheat bread and the next year, I’m dreaming up a way to live in a foreign country with young men clamoring to take me out to fancy restaurants. One day I am cowering in my closet afraid to go out and then wham, I am living in the Philippines invited to nightclubs where a community of dwarfs now called “little people” climb on tables to serve me giant cocktails where only movie stars and unusual blonde foreigners are allowed.